Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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