I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
