yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
