I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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