Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
