How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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