How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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