Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
