everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
