a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
two words: eviction party
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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