My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
