I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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