where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
