I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
