I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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