And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
