btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
