explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
