So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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