Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
