so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
