I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
