She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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