I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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