to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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