Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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