Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
