i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
