i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
