Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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