Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
