I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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