I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
