Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
