Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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