It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
