I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
