Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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