do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize