I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Randomize
