You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
