My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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