when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
