I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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