I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
