Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
