Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
