why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
