i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
