good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
