pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
