One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
